Insomnia

It is 1:41a.m. And I can't sleep.  It would seem that in the last two months this has become my new normal.  New normal. That's a phrase I've been hearing a lot lately.  I guess it's meant to gently prod me forward. 

Honestly I'm having a real difficult time with the forward progression thing. As hard as I try there are days where I can't get one foot to move infront of the other. To move forward for me means to leave something behind. In this case it's the hopes and dreams, the expectations of a life I'd imagined that I'm leaving behind. I'm struggling with the reality that the place I'm heading towards isn't necessarily one of my choosing. Given the choice I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be grappling with trying to find my new normal.

My new normal is rife with loss and pain. It's full of hurt and anger. It is a place in which I am keenly aware of all that has been taken from me. In moments like this, and like so many moments that have gone before, I hate my new normal.

While there are gifts that I've been given in the time since I last wrote, I haven't been able to capture them.  Today my photographic offerings are reflective of where I am...

Foggy morning...

Stormy clouds gathering

Far from home

Cherished memories of a shared experience...