I really miss my mom today. I miss her smile, her hugs, her laughter and her hands. I have her hands. I miss the fact that she would have loved to see my art.
I've been in class for the last two days. I had the opportunity to take an art journaling class taught by the famous Dyan Reaveley. My mom would have loved to see the results of what I learned. Yesterday was the best part, in my opinion, of the two days of classes. Yesterday focused on journaling. I have been trying to break through a wall when it comes to journaling. I hesitate a lot when it comes to putting my thoughts and feelings down. I'm afraid of what people will think if they see what I wrote. Yesterday in class Dyan took a sledge hammer to that wall. It was incredible! Who knew that an art class could be so therapeutic!
One of the things that Dyan did was she talked about her "skeletons." I realized in that moment something really powerful. By naming the things that she thought people would judge her for, she took their power away. She put everything out there and in doing so she set herself free.
I'm working on setting myself free. I miss my mom. I will miss my mom everyday for the rest of my natural life. I am setting myself free from other people's expectations, from other people's judgement. My grief process will take as long as it takes. There will never be a time that I don't grieve my losses. The person that I was a year ago doesn't exist. There is no going back to who I was before. I have been irrevocably changed.
Mikey and mom - love that boy!
The first thing I gave her when I arrived
our hands
I miss you mom...
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