I miss my mom. I miss her smell the curl of her hair, her so very expressive eyes. I miss her wisdom & candor and her hilarious text messages. The lilt in her voice when laughter is bubbling up. These are the finite tangibles that have been lost. In the midst of this despite my best efforts I find that I have lost my way spiritually as well. I feel as if I have been intentionally robbed of an integral part of my future. I've heard that nothing in this life is guaranteed, I'm now painfully aware of the truth of that statement.
One of the hardest things for me to grasp is that I've lost my friend. The woman who raised me to womanhood, now she too has been deprived of the continued adult friendship that we shared.
And then today happened. One of dearest friends, Angie, moved away. She and her family relocated as we do in this current economy. Families move to where the work is. I get that. I don't get why in my world at this time something else had to be taken. And then today happened. In true Angie fashion she texted me! In the middle of a busy day, across 1500 miles she texted me. Maintaining long term long distance relationships was a knack that my mom had. Apparently, Angie does too. Today Angie reminded me that there are amazing brilliant women in my life that share traits with my mom. Those traits when found in my other relationships are like gold. Why? Because right now, in this space and in this moment I can't see to reach out and find it for myself. Today, in a simple gesture, Angie brought the gift to me.
Another friend brought a gift to me as well. My dear sweet friend Kristy wrote a letter to me. She wrote it by hand and blessed me. Her words expressed that all is not lost, God is still near regardless of now I feel. My mom had an amazing relationship with God and she wrote letters. See the connection?
Finally, I got yesterday's mail today and in it was a card from my adorable bestie Tammy. Tammy had sent me a birthday card that she "embellished." My mom did the very same type of embellishing on almost all of the cards she sent me. Tammy also reminded me that I am ok.
That's a trifecta would you say? I have wonderfully dear friends. Most of whom aren't mentioned here, not for a lack of love by any means.
Today I will conclude with moments I am grateful for. Moments that at the time pulled me out of my sorrow. I will continue to miss my mom, I will continue to ache for my loss, there will be days where I am overcome. And I am learning that for those days there is grace.
Today for the first time I can see the lifeline and I am connected to it and my mom in ways I didn't see before.
Kristy
Tammy
