I miss my mom. I miss her smell the curl of her hair, her so very expressive eyes. I miss her wisdom & candor and her hilarious text messages. The lilt in her voice when laughter is bubbling up. These are the finite tangibles that have been lost. In the midst of this despite my best efforts I find that I have lost my way spiritually as well. I feel as if I have been intentionally robbed of an integral part of my future. I've heard that nothing in this life is guaranteed, I'm now painfully aware of the truth of that statement.
One of the hardest things for me to grasp is that I've lost my friend. The woman who raised me to womanhood, now she too has been deprived of the continued adult friendship that we shared.
And then today happened. One of dearest friends, Angie, moved away. She and her family relocated as we do in this current economy. Families move to where the work is. I get that. I don't get why in my world at this time something else had to be taken. And then today happened. In true Angie fashion she texted me! In the middle of a busy day, across 1500 miles she texted me. Maintaining long term long distance relationships was a knack that my mom had. Apparently, Angie does too. Today Angie reminded me that there are amazing brilliant women in my life that share traits with my mom. Those traits when found in my other relationships are like gold. Why? Because right now, in this space and in this moment I can't see to reach out and find it for myself. Today, in a simple gesture, Angie brought the gift to me.
Another friend brought a gift to me as well. My dear sweet friend Kristy wrote a letter to me. She wrote it by hand and blessed me. Her words expressed that all is not lost, God is still near regardless of now I feel. My mom had an amazing relationship with God and she wrote letters. See the connection?
Finally, I got yesterday's mail today and in it was a card from my adorable bestie Tammy. Tammy had sent me a birthday card that she "embellished." My mom did the very same type of embellishing on almost all of the cards she sent me. Tammy also reminded me that I am ok.
That's a trifecta would you say? I have wonderfully dear friends. Most of whom aren't mentioned here, not for a lack of love by any means.
Today I will conclude with moments I am grateful for. Moments that at the time pulled me out of my sorrow. I will continue to miss my mom, I will continue to ache for my loss, there will be days where I am overcome. And I am learning that for those days there is grace.
Today for the first time I can see the lifeline and I am connected to it and my mom in ways I didn't see before.
Kristy
Tammy
Dilshani,
ReplyDeleteIt was wonderful to meet you today. I will write about that to you on Ravelry which is how I came to your blog!
Hand written letters....such a coincidence. Two days ago I ordered several sets of personalized notecards so I can continue to send cards to the people I care about...by hand. I think in this technological and electronic world we now live in, its all to easy to forget that those little touches...those little moments you take to write a hand written note to someone have become lost. I work very hard not to forget that and went so far as to get personalized notecards to continually remind myself that its an important thing. Its a really important thing. Language...words....what we say to one another and how we say it. Its really important.
I am sorry you are missing your Mother. I dont know the circumstances but I can tell you, Kristy is right. All is not lost. And you met my Mother today. I am willing to share her anytime you need one. Sometime we'll all get together, me you and Kristy, and I'll share with you my story. I dont know where I would be without my Mother. I understand that kind of relationship very very well. I am sorry you are missing yours. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you. And look for a mssg from me on Ravelry! You'll come to find out, if Kristy hasnt told you already, I'm a person that seems to have a lot to say...LOL!
Claudia